If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
