My sheets look like a crime scene.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
