Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
