I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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