my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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