You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
