I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
