I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Be still, my beating vagina.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
