I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
