Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize