i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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