Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
