I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
