Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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