i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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