He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
