I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
