A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
