I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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