I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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