wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
