i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
