he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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