I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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