we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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