The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
