No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
