I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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