And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
