They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
home. puking in laundry basket.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
