hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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