I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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