Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
