Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
