I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
