Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
