and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
