Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize