You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
