Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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