I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
