shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
