I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
