All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize