So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
