ugly people sure do ruin things
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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