Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am one with the molecules
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
