I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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