this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
