Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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