So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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