the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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