we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
