Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
