the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
