I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
