Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
