now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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