boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
