DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize