i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
