Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize