Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
