i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
