my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
