her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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