Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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