she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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