Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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