youre lurking in front of me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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