I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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