why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
