Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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