I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
