i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
