do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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