You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
